My attention to this list has reached even higher levels of slackness. Though if there was one image I wanted to leave languishing at the top of my blog, it's the Baconator.
Either way, it's probably inexcusable that I haven't updated this task, which was completed by the time Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was released.
Perhaps it's because they were ridiculously hyped before I had a chance to see them, but I do feel the Indiana Jones franchise is overrated. That Empire magazine recently voted Raiders of the Lost Ark the second-greatest film of all time only cemented my belief. I mean, it's very good, but the second-greatest film ever? I don't see it. I know I'm a fan and I know Indiana Jones was partly inspired by 007, but I find a number of the Bond films significantly superior to the Indy flicks.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom's dark story is undermined by a screeching heroine and annoying child, while Sean Connery's appearance in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade elevated that film to equal status to Raiders, in my view. The controversial Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is an adequate, even fun follow-up, but, like another of this summer's resurrections, The X-Files: I Want To Believe, it didn't really do much to warrant bringing these characters back.
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Posted by matt at 11:23 am
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Status: No-Meat November is underway
It's on. No meat for 30 days. That's 720 hours. That's 43,200 minutes. No bacon, no chicken, no turkey, no hulking steak, cooked medium-well ... a mouth-watering eight ounce slab of meat that falls off the bone. And, most definitely and most damningly, no Baconator, a burger to which no adjectives do justice.
It's Day 6, and I have the shakes. It might be due to the fact my arteries have less fat coursing through them than on the day of my birth (I seem to recall munching on a ham sandwich in the maternity ward). Or it might be the fact I'm currently more spinach than man. What percentage of the human body is normally composed of water? 70 percent? I reckon all of that water has been absorbed by the spinach currently inside of me. What is it with vegetarians and weird vegetables such as spinach and artichokes? Carnivores are quite happy to settle for potatoes or carrots or – on a particularly adventurous day – a handful of green beans. But the minute you banish dead animals from the house, you somehow wind up on a diet of oddball veggies like asparagus.
Anyway, I'm contemplating creating a range of products designed to ween people off meat. Kind of like those aimed at someone addicted to cigarettes. Instead of some nicotine gum, you could chew on a rind of bacon. And rather than a nicotine patch, slap a slice of pepperoni on your arm. Anything that will take your mind of those delicious meals-on-legs.
Posted by matt at 10:25 pm
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Status: Maize maze completed (What? Too corny?)
Posted by matt at 5:29 pm
Status: Ashamed at just how far behind I am in updating this list
- Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985) - not seen
- Beetlejuice (1988) - seen
- Batman (1989) - seen
- Edward Scissorhands (1990) - seen, resulting in considerable trauma as a child
- Batman Returns (1992) - seen
- Ed Wood (1994) - not seen
- Mars Attacks! - seen
- Sleepy Hollow (1999) - not seen
- Planet Of The Apes (2001) - seen; Burton's only other misstep, as far as I've seen
- Big Fish (2003) - not seen
- Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) - seen, and revelled in child torture
- Corpse Bride (2005) - seen
- Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (2007) - seen; it convinced me that singing and large amounts of blood go hand in hand
Posted by matt at 4:24 pm
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Status: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important update!
"I see nobody on the road," said Alice.
"I only wish I had such eyes," the King remarked in a fretful tone. "To be able to see Nobody! And at the distance too! Why, it's as much as I can do to see real people, by this light!"
All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along the road, shading her eyes with one hand. "I see somebody now!" she exclaimed at last. "But he's coming very slowly - and what curious attitudes he goes into!"
(For the Messenger kept skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great hands spread out like fans on each side.)
"Not at all," said the King. "He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger -- and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His name is Haigha." (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with "mayor".)
"I love my love with an H," Alice couldn't help beginning, "because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed him with - with - with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and he lives -"
"He lives on the Hill," the King remarked simply, without the least idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town beginning with H. "The other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have two, you know - to come and go. One to come, and one to go."
"I beg your pardon?" said Alice.
"It isn't respectable to beg," said the King.
"I only meant that I didn't understand," said Alice. "Why one to come and one to go?"
"Don't I tell you?" the King repeated impatiently. "I must have two - to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry."
At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the most fearful faces at the poor King.
"This young lady loves you with an H," the King said, introducing Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself - but it was of no use - the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
"You alarm me!" said the King. "I feel faint - Give me a ham-sandwich!"
On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who devoured it greedily.
"Another sandwich!" said the King.
"There's nothing but hay left now," the Messenger said, peeping into the bag.
"Hay, then," the King murmured in a faint whisper.
Alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal. "There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint," he remarked to her, as he munched away.
"I should think throwing cold water over you would be better," Alice suggested: "- or some sal-volatile."
"I didn't say there was nothing better," the King replied. "I said there was nothing like it." Which Alice did not venture to deny.
"Who did you pass on the road?" the King went on, holding out his hand to the Messenger for some hay.
"Nobody," said the Messenger.
"Quite right," said the King: "this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you."
"I do my best," the Messenger said in a sullen tone. "I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do!"
"He can't do that," said the King, "or else he'd have been here first."
Posted by matt at 12:26 pm
Status: Forgetful (but not due to alcohol consumption)
Posted by matt at 12:11 pm
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Posted by matt at 8:31 pm
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Status: Not an alcoholic...
Posted by matt at 6:31 pm
Monday, 25 August 2008
Status: In a child-like state
"I had sent my heroine straight down a rabbit-hole ... without the least idea what was to happen afterwards." — Lewis CarrollI'll say! A perpetually late White Rabbit, a disappearing cat, a lecturing mouse, a race-organising Dodo, a gardening lizard, a gigantic puppy, a caterpillar who takes insult when people point out his size, Fish- and Frog-Footmen, an ugly Duchess, a Mock Turtle (as opposed to a real one), a Gryphon, a deck of cards come to life (including a Queen of Hearts, obsessed with decapitation) and, of course, a Hatter who is, as you would expect from a tale this ludicrous, mad.
Posted by matt at 9:56 pm
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Status: Not disgusted
Sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours.
Posted by matt at 6:50 pm