#21 Get a new job

Status: Square one

There are some criteria one ought to be wary of when accepting a job. For your future reference, and mine, I have listed these below:

• Your boss is unaware of what day it is when you phone him
• Your shifts are so long that your fingers actually hurt from using a touchscreen register
• People go to bed and wake up in the time you're still at work
• A crowbar is encouraged to be used both as a tool and a weapon
• You work with highly explosive substances, but are not told how to handle so much as a minor spillage - unless it involves the Slurpee machine (particularly embarrassing when store inspectors visit on your third shift)
• It's in your job description to throw out slightly-less-than-fresh donuts; seriously, it's heartbreaking
• You work hours during which it's impossible to have reasons not to work ("I have a doctor's appointment ... at 3am")
  
• Your boss wears a wifebeater

That's right - I quit 7-Eleven.

#3 Mail Canadian visa papers

Status: Well and truly complete

I know I mailed these almost three weeks ago, but the refreshingly efficient Canadian government have kindly granted me permission to work in their country.

Having successfully weaselled my way into the Australian and British governments, it now just seems to be a matter of time before my plans for world domination continue.

Wait, I've said too much.

#21 Get a new job

Status: Technically complete, but I don't count it

In order to complete #4 on this list, I've taken a second job at, er, 7-Eleven. I've just come off a 12-hour overnight shift (immediately following a four-hour stint at Job A) and my legs are killing me... Still, I kind of enjoyed it once the people started coming in on their way to work. There's something interesting about watching everyone at the very start of their day- the jogger, the builder, the security guard, the bloke who madly exclaimed to me that milk is only $2.55 at his local corner store.

Oh, the characters...

I need sleep.

#25 Bowl another score of 160 or over at ten-pin bowling

Status: 37 pins short

I love those sports that require little effort. Pool? Sign me up! Mini-golf? Hand me my putter! Darts? Er, okay! Bowling requires arguably the most effort of any of those sports (that said, chalking a pool cue can be quite straining on the wrist), but it's so gosh-darn fun - and social!


Anyhoo, in light of my record of 168 pins* set with Jackie in Canada (which only occurred so that my reassurances that I was a lousy bowler could be unfairly disproved), and my regular Thursday night excursions to Strike with Bodie, Brady and Neil, I've set this task to recreate that momentous fluke of a game.

Sadly, this Thursday was not the night. A few early clunkers set me on the wrong track, but a couple of decent last frames set me up for a score of 123 (one pin more than last time, if I recall correctly). Neil, once again, gave us a good walloping, while Bodie (who bowls like a sleepy kitten) managed a very respectable 98. Brady managed to get drunk again (er, and come fourth!), while special guest ball-chucker Dan also, um, knocked down some pins. Good times!

* I think that's right. Jackie, did you still have the scorecard of the game? I left it on your desk! You wouldn't throw out a tangible memory, would you?

#2 Give Jackie a glowing mention on my blog

Status: Complete, but mushy (you have been warned)

This task is to rectify a very unfortunate oversight that occurred during my recounting of the Great Baggage Tag Heist Of 2006 - the omission of the part that one very special person played in that particular event, and the course of my life ever since.

It began with her throwaway insult towards an entire nation and its people on that summery London night last year, but has since blossomed into something much, much more. Not long after, I texted her from Spain - think of the international roaming costs; it must have been special! - begging her to remain in the UK and promising to correct the slightly sub-par time she'd been having in England thus far.

We spent the next few blissful months hanging out in London's various parks, making fun of children dropping their ice-creams - seemingly in spite of the fact I had a job to go to - before, at her suggestion, we went to Amsterdam together (site of said heist).

Unfortunately, it was with great sadness that our time in London had to come to an end - she had to return to Canada.

Yet we kept it touch as the months went by, despite the Atlantic, and our friendship became something more - which lead me all the way across that ocean two months ago, for a simply amazing two and a half weeks together. Ever since, I've been head over heels for one of the most incredible people I've ever met.

Happy three months, Jackie!

#37 Complete UK tax return

Status: Nauseatingly in progress

A task so boring, it will no doubt transform me into an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful.

Yes, 20 soul-destroying pages of employment details, agent authorisation forms, allowances and liabilities, property details, relevancies of domicile (whatever the deuce that means), and signatures, signatures, signatures!

But it potentially holds big bucks for me, so I'll persevere. That said, because my hopes are up, I'm guessing I'll receive no more than $20 (minus 18 percent commission*, of course).

Shall we start a tab?

* Now in 50% finer print

This Far Side has no relevancy; just had to throw it in to liven up what was an equally boring post.

#7 Recruit someone else to 101 in 1001

Status: Complete

Well, that was easy! Love that colour scheme, by the way! Wonder who chose that!

Oh, and pogs, Jackie? What have I got myself into?

#34 Set up a blog for Jackie

Status: Complete

Another easy one, but I know once I do all of those, I'll be left with a bunch of tough ones to deal with.

Anyway, once my Jackie pops her list onto her blog, I'll be able to cross off #7 as well. Hooray!

#3 Mail Canadian visa papers

Status: Complete

After opening and resealing the envelope several times due to the fact I kept forgetting to complete various aspects of the application process, this baby's off in the post!

It's going to apparently take four weeks to be approved - but it's out of my hands now, so this one can be crossed off the list!

#23 Read the John Gardner James Bond novels

Status: In progress

A more arduous undertaking than many may think. John Gardner wrote 16 of these suckers in the 1980s and '90s. I attempted to start reading them before I left for England, but lost interest on page 24 of the first one. I'd just come off the Ian Fleming and Kingsley Amis books, so I may have been suffering Bond burnout. However, Gardner is seen as the Roger Moore of the literary 007, in that many of his later efforts are considered inferior entries to the series and that he hung around for far too long. That said, I plan to give this my all, though, as I started from the beginning of his tenure - Licence Renewed - while on the train today. 64 pages and counting...

#24 Buy seasons seven, eight, nine and ten of The Simpsons on DVD

Status: In progress

Can I rename this task "Become broke"? I know it's my own fault, I know it's a shallow task and I know I can watch every episode of these four seasons by simply tuning into Network Ten next week, but, well, I own the others, so this was inevitable.

Anyway, today I spent more money I don't actually have on seasons seven and eight. Thank heavens Big W were sold out of season nine, or I may have had to take out a mortgage on the house I don't actually own.

I promise more rewarding and less consumerist tasks are to come!

#33 Find out exactly when 1001 days from 9 September 2007 is

Status: Complete

6 June 2010.

This gig's easy!

#1 Finally update blog

Status: Complete

Okay, so my first task is a total cop-out, but, well, whatever it'd take to kick-start my enthusiasm for this slice of web space.

So with an exceptionally large nod to Brady, who suggested I partake in this, and whose basic layout I have totally ripped off, I hereby embark upon a mission to complete 101 tasks in 1001 days, which, by my calculation, takes me through to, er, I'm not sure when. Might add that to the list, actually.

Anyway, 101 is an exceptionally high number, so any suggestions to help nudge me closer to that figure would be much appreciated. Keep 'em achievable, quantifiable and, er, clean. Ta!

Oh, and if I let this list - and consequently this blog - fall by the wayside at any point, you have permission to throw something of substantial weight at me. And then add that to your own list.

101 in 1001

101 Things to do in 1001 Days

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.