#50 Eat vegetarian for a month

Status: No-Meat November is underway

It's on. No meat for 30 days. That's 720 hours. That's 43,200 minutes. No bacon, no chicken, no turkey, no hulking steak, cooked medium-well ... a mouth-watering eight ounce slab of meat that falls off the bone. And, most definitely and most damningly, no Baconator, a burger to which no adjectives do justice. 

It's Day 6, and I have the shakes. It might be due to the fact my arteries have less fat coursing through them than on the day of my birth (I seem to recall munching on a ham sandwich in the maternity ward). Or it might be the fact I'm currently more spinach than man. What percentage of the human body is normally composed of water? 70 percent? I reckon all of that water has been absorbed by the spinach currently inside of me. What is it with vegetarians and weird vegetables such as spinach and artichokes? Carnivores are quite happy to settle for potatoes or carrots or – on a particularly adventurous day – a handful of green beans. But the minute you banish dead animals from the house, you somehow wind up on a diet of oddball veggies like asparagus.

Anyway, I'm contemplating creating a range of products designed to ween people off meat. Kind of like those aimed at someone addicted to cigarettes. Instead of some nicotine gum, you could chew on a rind of bacon. And rather than a nicotine patch, slap a slice of pepperoni on your arm. Anything that will take your mind of those delicious meals-on-legs.