#15 Organise the CDs of photos from my overseas trip

Status: Reminiscing

Just days before I leave Australia's fair shores once again, here's a little pictorial update for you. Enjoy a bunch of my favourite snaps from my travels over the past two years, complete with pretentiously-written captions in which I bang on about all the lovely places I visited.

A little flutterby I snapped in Singapore.

The stunning view from my window at sunset in Passau, Germany; note the frost hanging from the roof.

The view from my desk in London. Overlooking the River Thames, the amazing panoramic north-facing view ran from Battersea and Pimlico in the west...

...to Westminster and Waterloo in the east. I'll simply never work somewhere with the same view again.

Pink (London) Eye! Hahaha... ahhh...

A tranquil sunset over a bay in Oslo, Norway...

...while the city never stops.

England's stunningly peaceful Lake District (picture taken immediately before two fighter jets flew overhead).

The corridors surrounding the courtyard of the 16th century Spanish monastery in which I taught English for a week.

The phenomenal beaches of Cádiz: southern Spain's hidden gem.

Wind turbines in action in the Spanish hillside.

There is nothing on Earth like European art.

The sun sets over Berlin's Reichstag building, the original - and current - home of the German parliament.

Home to the largest number of species in the world (and the adorable Knut), here's just one of the creatures at the Zoologischer Garten Berlin.

Not my most masculine hour, but Prague's botanical gardens really are something...

...as are the city's sunsets, which are much more manly. Just think of the millions of tonnes of gases burning furiously and mercilessly above our meager planet. Sure sucked the romance out of that, didn't I?

Pigeons overlook Prague's Vltava river.

Row upon row of terraces growing grapes for wine production in Austria's beautiful Wachau valley.

A bizarre spectacle of a surfer tackling the waves in an artificial stream in landlocked Munich, a phenomenon caused by a pumping mechanism.

Original barbed wire from the truly frightening Dachau concentration camp.

Venice. Says it all.

The striking paintwork of the Venetian island of Burano.

The beautiful, yet imposing architecture of St Peter's Basilica in Vatican City.

Rome's Colosseum is arguably more impressive lit up at night.

Dusk atop the Leaning Tower of Pisa (photo corrected for tilt).

The gorgeous and rare (for us east coast Aussies) sight of the sun setting over the ocean, as witnessed by Jackie and I on a Vancouver beach.

This one was taken not by me (obviously), but by my friend, John, as we, er, trespassed to abseil down to touch the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles (not pictured: legal activity).

And finally... the single greatest image I took while on my trip. Allow me to set the scene. While holidaying in Cádiz, I decided to take a day trip to Gibraltar, that big ol' British rock that lies in the south of Spain. While there's not a great deal there, aside from lane after lane of tacky tourist traps, the highlight is taking the cable car to the top of the rock for a phenomenal view of the Spanish coastline and, on a clear day, Morocco. Despite this amazing panorama, this was the view that truly captivated me.

Yes, Gibraltar is also famed for its colony of tailless monkeys, around 230 of which hop around the rock's peak, harassing tourists, picking each other's nits and generally looking exceptionally cute or ugly depending on how young or old they are respectively. Oh, and they love carbonated beverages.

#6 Go through paperwork from when I was overseas

Status: Done

No humorous anecdote here; this task was far too dull for that.

#37 Complete UK tax return

Status: Expecting a large windfall

Well, after much procrastination, it's sealed and I'm off to the post office. I just know I'll get it back because I forgot to declare that money I laundered or some other minor oversight, but for now, I'm calling this one complete.

#10 Have my wisdom teeth removed

Status: Hideously disfigured

SURGEON: There is a one in 1000 chance that your nerves could be damaged during surgery, causing you to lose all feeling in your lower mouth.
MATT: Has that ever happened to anyone you've operated on?
SURGEON: No.
MATT: How many people have you operated on?
SURGEON: 999.
MATT: Oh.

Well, no, that conversation didn't happen (my surgeon was brilliant). Nor am I hideously disfigured. But it is true that I've had my wisdom teeth extracted.

Less than 24 hours ago, I had no idea I'd be whisked away to have this dreaded task fulfilled last night. After being forced to endure an entire episode of The Bold And The Beautiful in the waiting room, which was arguably more painful than the operation, I was injected with anesthetic, which I vainly tried to fight, and awoke seemingly seconds later sans my lower two wisdom teeth. It's a bit painful now, but I'm hoping this has put an end to the week from hell I've just had.

I do currently resemble Jack Pumpkinhead, from the 1985 quasi-sequel, Return To Oz, in that my face is now wider than it is long and has an odd yellow tinge to it (the green stem currently protruding from the top of my head was an unexpected complication).

Unfortunately, the Tooth Fairy failed to deliver the goldmine I expected for the removal of these two teeth. Bitch.

#10 Visit the dentist

Status: Errr...

"Matt has the worst wisdom teeth I've seen in seven years!"

- Matt's dentist

If anyone is so financially inept as to ever make a movie about my life (preferably directed by Steven Spielberg, but not starring Tom Cruise), that's the quote I want slapped on the poster.

Best of all, it's true, it's intriguing and it gives some idea of the conflict presently in my life. Yes, those pesky wisdom teeth of mine, in all their stupidity, have decided to break through my gums at right angles so perfect you'd need a protractor to tell otherwise.

I'll spare you all the grisly details of what must happen next, but needless to say, it's going to be a more delicate, painful and presumably, costly procedure than most wisdom teeth extractions. What's more, the buggers have got to come out within the next six months or my head will explode (obviously I'm paraphrasing).

Accordingly, I'm renaming this task to "Have my wisdom teeth removed". Where's the sham now, huh?

#24 Buy seasons seven, eight, nine and ten of The Simpsons on DVD

Status: 10 + 1

Do I get extra points for this?

#55 Beat Craig at a "Best Of 9" game of pool

Status: Victorious

Pfft! This list was supposed to be a challenge! All I needed was just one attempt to thrash my brother at pool, after which he collapsed on the ground, defeated.*

Observe as I line up my triumphant final shot.

*This is a lie. It was actually rather close and he was gracious in defeat. Apologies if the body of this post was in any way misleading.

#10 Visit the dentist

Status: In pain

"What a sham item!" I hear you cry. "Visit the dentist! Pish-posh! Why not list 'Eat' or 'Breathe' or 'Blink' as items! Your whole list is a disgrace and, quite frankly, you're much less deserving of my friendship than I could ever have thought!"

Well, good point and well made; even if I can't blink at the moment due to an inexplicable bout of conjunctivitis. So there!

Unfortunately, that's not my only ailment at present. For the past few days, it's felt like my jaw is in a vice. Sure, I'm dosed up on Nurofen to the point where I'm adamant I wasn't walking my dog yesterday, but rather a polka-dotted flamingo with an umbrella. However, it's done nothing for the fact my jaw is also clicking in and out of place like [insert hilarious and appropriate metaphor here].

Anyway, I called the dentist to make an appointment yesterday - personally, I'm worried it's my inaptly-named wisdom teeth - but it seems I can't get an appointment until February! Good thing this isn't 101 in 101, or I'd be freaked!

Although, I could probably get away with 'Eat', 'Breathe' and 'Blink', then...

#4 Book Canada flights

Status: Broke, but excited!

It's official - I'm going to Canada!

On 28 December, I'll be globe-trotting from Brisbane to Auckland to Los Angeles to Minneapolis to Winnipeg to The Pas and, finally, to Flin Flon! I'll be there for a week with Jackie's family and then it's back to Edmonton!

Courtesy of Jackie, here's a picture of the winter wonderland I'll be living in!

#35 Complete 10 random acts of kindness

Status: 1/10

I was standing in the bookshop at Robina Town Centre last week, flipping through the pages of a Charles Dickens novel, or something similarly highbrow, when the lady standing beside me asked if I could do her a favour.

I gladly obliged and she asked if I could retrieve for her a copy of May Gibbs' Snugglepot And Cuddlepie from the top shelf. Craning my neck skywards, I attempted to locate the book in question. Squinting, I could just make out the hardback book, perched delicately on the very top shelf. It was at least twenty feet off the ground. I looked back at her and she smiled. I couldn't say no.

I clambered uneasily onto the bottom shelf and began to climb row upon row of books. After foolishly using one of the early Harry Potter novels as a foothold (as opposed to a much more stable later instalment), I slipped. Clinging desperately to The Dangerous Book For Boys, I dangled precariously 15 feet off the ground. The circulation from the ducted air conditioning was, at this altitude, unbearable. Through the hair whipping coldly in my eyes, I spied the lady way down below me with a look of pure admiration on her face. I grimaced, and with sheer determination, swung back in toward the shelf and, crashing into a row of yellowing Goosebumps books, made my way to the summit.

Once there, I carefully reached out, slid the book off the shelf and placed it under my arm. With my spare hand, I reached up and yanked an electricity cable that was connected to a security camera and tied it around my waist. Gently, I abseiled my way to safety and handed over the classic children's picture book to a very grateful customer.

Mission accomplished.

As a caveat, you may notice some of this tale is embellished. To clear the air, I was reading Jeremy Clarkson, not Dickens.